Reflection

Hello everyone. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about my past. Just a little reflection. Nothing deep. For those of you who don’t know me i’m a YouTuber creator. I spend most of my time listening to music or gaming. Lately I’ve been spending my nights watching Hunter x Hunter. Killua is my fave. I remember watching one episode with my ex. I wasn’t interested at all.

Now that I watch it I can understand its depths. I can relate. Mhm. It brings up so many emotions. Not in a bad way. A few years ago when I was in school I took taekwondo. My Sabumnim taught me respect.

My Sabumnim would call me little Buddha. Every class I felt intimidated by her. I respected her deeply. The day that she was at her lowest I bowed for the entire class. That experience left me with a sense of grief for her as well as an understanding that she was also human. Her tough strict regiment I look back on. Over the past years I have been grieving. When she passed I got the chance to visit her grave and for most of it I would talk to her. As her student I will never forget the lesson. I may have been really scared and afraid but she believed in me. (I may reference Sabumnim a bit in this blog.)

She was a wonderful woman who knew her strengths. She cared so deeply. I smile thinking of hearing her heels. The day she cooked for the entire class. I miss her bulgogi. She supported me the most during my tough school days.

Hunter x Hunter brings up so much in me. It resonates. For most of my boss battles in game I enjoy the thrill of finding the odd strategy. I do miss her. I’ll question myself for not adding a healer or defense to my team.

As a young child I’ve been called an old soul. If that meant 7 year old me sitting with an adult to help them through the grief process. Quiet and quick witted. The moments I cherished with each individual.

“You are a sensitive kid.” Most would call me. Most kids my age didn’t understand me. I used to be jelous as a kid and annoyed that two classmates got everything perfect. (I outgrew it)

These labels placed on me as I was only a kid. I would run on rocks barefoot believing a I could become super strong. It was a quiet truth. For years I would listen to music to tune out the emotional pain I experienced

I’ve been listening to funeral a ton. I like their songs. Music really helps me build my characters. When I cosplay I listen to music to shape my emotions. For Yuri Plisetsky it could be a bratty playlist. More rebellious. For Ciel Phantomhive it would be an elegant Playlist. So many years have passed.

Cosplay always inspires me. I forget when I began cosplaying but it was minimal. I thought a wig would change me into the character I wanted to be. Slowly I learned about makeup. I picked a few characters that I liked and worked on perfecting them. (In a separate blog i’ll dive into it.)

I have so much on my mind. But i’ll stop here. 💗 I may at some point add intuitive messages for those who would like encouragement. Not sure yet. I wanted to do pick a cards. But I wanted something different. (Too many ideas. I’ll think about it.)